You would agree that all people want to be loved, yes?
So would I.
Where it gets interesting is when we ask the question "HOW do I FEEL loved?"
The answer isn't as simple as we might think.
In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman reveals that each of us may have a different way we FEEL loved. For some of us it is words. For others it's quality time spent together. Some feel love through receiving gifts. Others through acts of service. And finally, some feel love though physical touch.
Where there is a problem in relationships is when we show our love to our partner through the way WE feel loved. But if our partner feels loved through a different manner, both the giver and receiver feel unloved and frustrated.
For example, let's say your love language is words and your partner's is service, If you continually offer praise to your partner when they really want your service (taking out the garbage, working on household projects, etc.), then you will both be frustrated.
Real love may be giving to your partner in the way they feel loved, even if it's not the way you want to feel loved.
Here's an example from Lynetta and me. Both of us have physical touch as a primary love language. But the way we most enjoy physical touch is different for both us. Lynetta loves to be physically held in a tight embrace. If you saw the movie about Temple Grandin, you'll understand.
For me, however, I love soft light touch.
Lynetta and I have learned each other's physical touch preferences and therefore offer what each other likes to receive rather than giving what we want to receive.
So what's your love language and, if you're in partnership, your partner's? If you have different love languages, have you mastered giving to each other in the receiver's preference?
Mark and Lynetta
P.S. If you're struggling with feeling loved, schedule a Discovery Session. There may be limiting beliefs about love under the surface just waiting to break free. Treat Yourself here: Discovery Session
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