The Perfect Trap -- Part 1

spirituality Mar 27, 2018

 Hi,  Mark here.  Lynetta and I have a list of words we've 'banned' from our vocabulary because we find them disempowering.

Over the next several emails, we're going to share them with you.

#1 on our list--the word "Perfect"

Why is Perfect a problem?  Perfection should be all dreamy and well, perfect, right?

Consider the following:

One of our biggest roadblocks to being completely at peace with ourselves is that deep down, we may think there is something wrong with us. 

This comes often from dysfunctional families that so many of us grew up in.  If there was discord or worse, abuse, we may believe deep down that we may have been at fault.

We may end up believing we are not good enough, lovable enough, acceptable enough. 

And we may end up with a list of 'shoulds'--way should be this way or that--more of this, less of that.

We should be more loving, giving, kind, understanding, patient, accepting.  We should be less judgmental, critical, loud, quiet, stingy, whiny and so on.  The list of 'shoulds' is endless!            

Where does this list of 'shoulds' come from?  It’s part of our programming.  We got it from our parents, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, bosses, significant others. 

We get it from watching TV, reading, browsing the Internet, email, videos, music--even what we buy at the supermarket!  We get it from our social groups and from  our religion.  'Shoulds' (and 'Should Nots') constantly surround us.

What's important about all the shoulds and should nots is that they create a conversation in our head that there is some "perfect" way to be.  We believe there is some perfect us out there that we could and should be.  And--if we’re being honest with ourselves—we'd have to admit we're not there yet!

The "Perfect" dialog we have running around in our heads goes something like this:

1.  There is some 'right' or 'perfect' state of being that I (and maybe all human beings) should be.

2.  I'm not there yet.

3.  I'm NEVER going to get there.

4.  Since I'm not there yet, I am imperfect, lacking, wrong, bad, not good enough, not lovable, not acceptable, etc. etc. etc.

5.  Further, since I'm imperfect, bad, wrong, not good enough, not lovable enough etc.--I don't deserve or will-never-get whatever I really want in life and, of course, I will never TRULY BE HAPPY.

This ‘perfect’ conversation we have running around in our heads keeps us perpetually feeling inadequate, unlovable, out of our power and unable to really create a life we would love living.

Many of us try to 'paper-over' the issue with positive affirmations such as: "I am perfect just the way I am", "I love myself just the way I am", "I deserve happiness", "I am enough", etc.

But often, these positive affirmations just don't work!

Why don't they work?

Because while we're saying them, in the back of our mind is a voice constantly saying--

               "But you're NOT good enough"

               "You DON'T deserve it'

               "You're bad"

               "You're NOT loveable enough"

               "You are too much…"

But what the voice is really saying is:

               "YOU'RE NOT PERFECT"

There's a perfect 'out there' and YOU'RE NOT IT!

So what do we do about this voice? 

We'll answer in Perfect -- Part 2.

Blessings,

Mark and Lynetta

 

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