As Souls, one of the archetypes we love to play in is the Victim. Everyday we read about people who have been victimized by others.
When we take the Soul-View that we may actually have chosen to be victims (you'll have to ready Journey of Souls to really get this), we can find peace with our victimhood and eventually even find empowerment in it.
But harder than owning our victimhood is to own that we have also been the villain. To put it in the Soul View, we have all been thiefs, rapists, murderers in past lives.
And we may also have done some victimizing of others even in this lifetime. Owning all of this is often called embracing our shadow.
I learned this early in my first marriage. I did not have good relationship tools at the time and had poor examples from my own family growing up.
I remember making agreements with my wife which I didn't keep. When she would call me on it, instead of owning up to my failure to keep my commitments, my shadow would take over.
I found that I could manipulate her into getting so upset about something else that I could get myself completely off the hook for not being in integrity.
The worse part is I remember being so pleased with myself that I could barely repress a smug smile that I had gotten her goat and gotten myself off the hook with my 'cleverness'. This was my shadow in operation. I call it my manipulator.
Even though I recognized what I was doing was not behaving in the highest manner possible, I felt helpless to doing anything else because I didn't have the relationship tools I now do such as clear communication.
One of the classic books on this is The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford:
Debbie has us own our shadow side. When we do, we own its power instead of it owning us.
Now, I own my manipulator. I don't use it to control people for my own benefit.
It serves me because the 'Light' side of manipulation is knowing how to get things done in this world--how to create a path to get from point A to point B.
I use this all the time in my coaching. I can see where someone is stuck and I can see a path to get them where they want to be--not where I want them to be.
Check it out.
Owning your shadow, your victim is one of the most powerful things Lynetta and I coach on.
Mark and Lynetta
P.S. If you'd like to dig into your shadow and find the empowerment waiting on the other side, grab yourself a Discovery Session. Your full power is waiting!
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