As a young girl, I admired my mother so much that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.
She was a gifted seamstress. When she went to a wedding, she made the perfect outfit. Her dresses looked just like the Spiegel catalog dresses.
I remember wearing look alike dresses. My Mom had style, class and elegance.
She delighted in cooking and serving us the most delicious meals. When she tasted her food, she made yummy sounds. I loved hearing those sounds. I knew how happy she was when she made those yummy sounds.
I totally admired my mom and wanted to be just like her.
In my teen years, I started exploring who I might be if I wasn't trying to be my mom.
Who am I? What do I want for my life? Who do I want to be when I grow up?
I tried on different lifestyles. I tried being a good Jehovah’s Witness like I was raised.
But, It never felt like it was me.
I rebelled and joined my stoner friends from high school and started getting high and drinking. But that still felt like I was trying to be somebody else. It did not feel like me either.
I went to pow-wows with the local Native Indians. They taught me to respect nature. I resonated with what they taught me. I absolutely loved going to drum journeys. It was the first time I experienced going inward for my guidance.
I found my power animal. I found lost parts of myself. I studied Shamanism and discovered my inner depth.
I was hungry to learn more. I spent many hours in Synchronicity bookstore in Mariposa. I found Esther Hicks who channels Abraham.
It all made so much sense to me. I felt so peaceful as I listened to Abraham speak about the emotional scale.
I discovered that my thoughts were shaping my world. When I changed my thoughts, my life changed.
I found like minded people at Centers for Spiritual Living. The people I met were positive and life affirming. My life took on new meaning as I devoured Spiritual new thought books.
I went to Landmark Education and found new ways to transform my life. They gave me whole new perspectives on life. They taught me that we are “meaning-making-machines”.
Here's an example of meaning-making. One day as a young 8 year old girl I made my bed for the first time. I was so proud of myself. I went running in the other room to tell my mom.
"Mom! Come look, hurry, come NOW!!! Look Mom, I made the bed all by myself!"
My mom looked it over, pulled the bed clothes completely apart and remade it in her way.
There was zero praise from her. In my mind, I concluded that I must have done it all wrong and that I can't get anything right.
I also added in: I will never try that again! I am just a total loser.
So what really happened?
I had wanted my mothers approval. I connected her approval with my self-worth and value.
When I finally separated what happened with the bed from what I made it mean about my self-worth, I became totally free to love myself again.
I went on to do deeper transformational work through life coaching, energy healing, yoga and meditation. As the years went by I have come to know who I am.
I have come to understand that I create myself to be who I choose to be.
At my core, I now have a steady calm presence. Even if the world is swirling around like a storm, I am calm in the center.
I share my experiences with you so you may also find your calm in your center.
Answering the following questions may assist you in your own search:
Being curious is a magical space. When we are curious, doors open into new possibilities. We become supernatural hero’s when we go inward to discover who we truly are. The courageous adventurer dives into their own depths below the surface.
When you enter the cave of mysteries, your core treasures are revealed. The beauty and magnificence of who you are rises to the surface and shines in all directions.
Your radiance fills your body with light and beams through your eyes.
Have you ever seen someone with eyes that sparkle? That’s the inner radiance that we all have. Some of us have hidden our sparkle deep inside.
It’s like Russian dolls where you open the big one and there is a smaller doll inside and so on.
Your observer is the big doll the one that holds your smaller YOU’s in them.
Now I know who I am--a Big Russian Doll!
On your journey, take time to contemplate who you are. It’s the grandest question of your life. No one can tell you who you are, that’s your personal adventure of a lifetime!
Written from the depths of my Heart to Yours!
Lynetta Ann Avery
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